Haircut Surprise and the Heebeegeebees

My 12 year old son, Andy, wanted me to take him for a haircut today. Since I wasn't feeling up to butchering yet another son's haircut I agreed to take him. I took him to a salon on the island that is run primarily by non-english speaking women. Whatever. We aren't going for a Justin Beiber cut or anything.

So Andy tells her he wants a regular buzz cut with it a little longer on the top. She grabs her clippers and starts plowing through his VERY thick locks. After about half a dozen passes she suddenly stops and yells "Ma'am! Ma'am! Look!!" pointing at my son's head. What in the hell could it be??
Yep. You guessed it ....Lice.

Immediately the lady, in complete disbelief, starts backing up. She drops the clippers while having this completely shocked look on her face. Kind of like they do in the movies when someone sees a dead person. I was motionless. Then I asked her "Well? What do we do??" "I don't know," she says. "What do you mean "You don't know"? Shave his head!" "No no no!" she exclaims. So I thank her and haul ass out of the salon!
I look at my poor child with his head half shaved and begin laughing uncontrollably! Here he is completely stunned with this jacked up head and completely infested with lice and all I can do is laugh. I grabbed a hat from the back seat and ordered him to put it on so he could hold on to a little bit of dignity. Plus, I didn't want those bastards jumping off on me in the car on the way home. As I drive home I remember snuggling with him in my bed last night. ew. His friends that had spent the night lately. Great. The last brush he used. His sister's.
We arrived home and I sat him in the middle of the back yard on a stool. Grabbed my extention cord and clippers and started shaving.
O...M...G... How in the world could this child NOT have known that there was a colony of bugs living in his hair? Once I started shaving it looked like I had kicked over a mound of ants! Really! It did! Once I finished, I made my husband get the leaf blower and blow the piles of infested hair into the neighbor's yard ;)

I have spent the rest of my day sanitizing the house and washing washing washing and washing more loads of laundry. Bagging pillows, trashing brushes, and $100 later at Walmart on new pillows and hair brushes, I am alomost done.



This is exactly how I wanted to spend my New Years Eve. Now where's my drink...

Army Men

Gerrit, my 5.5 year old, is obsessed lately with playing Army and playing with little Army guys. Funny thing is my brother played with them too so I was not hesitant to buy these for him today. What little boy didn't play with Army men?

Tonight I was in search for a cool Army movie with not so foul language (This is almost impossible!) We decided on Born on the 4th of July. It has been a few years since I have seen this movie so I wasn't sure what we were getting into.
About 45 minutes into the movie, if you remember, Ronnie (Tom Cruise) goes to Vietnam. The bad language starting picking up. Then suddenly there was a major shoot-out between his platoon and the bad guys (that what we call them) Ronnie gets shot and finds himself in critical condition in the military hospital. Lots of blood, suffering death. Chaos.
That is when Eric and I decided this was just WAY too much for them (I should have known better with it being directed by Oliver Stone). We turned the movie off.
Eric then asked Gerrit "So what do you think of the military now?" Gerrit responds "I don't like it anymore. I think I will grow up to fix iPhones like you, Papa. I only like fake Army men now."

We both just laughed and gave him a GIANT hug and kiss for being such an awesome kid. :)

Boy Stories Wanted!

If you are a parent of a boy, you know that you could fill a library with stories about his shenanigans.
While I think that my boys are entertainment enough, I know that your stories are just as good!
Please share your Boys Gone Wild stories for others to enjoy and learn from. Maybe we can all band together and make raising these guys a little easier to swallow!
Just click on the SHARE YOUR STORIES tab above to share. I will post your stories immediately! Thanks
Allison

Santa Reneged

My boys deserved nothing but a lump of coal in their stockings this year for Christmas! Let me explain:

Saturday was the big day! My boys were so excited and could hardly fall asleep on Christmas Eve with anticipation.
We all woke up and raced down the stairs to see what Santa had brought. They were in awe of the loads of toys they found. Helicopters, airplanes, sleeping bags, video games, Nerf guns, Art supplies and more. They had hit it big time this year!
All day Saturday they played with their new toys while munching on chocolate found in their stocking.
Sunday morning we started our day as usual. Boys were in the living room, under the tree playing, fighting, crying, laughing, etc with their new toys.

Then Mommy snapped.

I started noticing broken pieces of toys around the house. I then thought back over the last 48 hours and I remembered all of the other toys that had been broken. A gun here, an action figure there, nerf darts (many), remote control car antenae. Then I realized that in their boredom (I still cannot imagine how they could be bored) they didn't really care about these toys at ALL! These 2 little boys had no respect for their toys. They did not appreciate them nor did they value them. It wasn't just that day or that week. It was every day.

So I grabbed a few trash bags and started filling them up. Everything. Gifts from grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and, yes, even Santa! Nothing was left! I shoved everything last thing in the closet and proceeded to scream at and lecture them for the next 20 minutes! Mommy was on a rampage.

Later that day we left to run errands. We stopped at McDonalds for a Happy Meal. I took the toys out of the box and made both boys return the toys to the cashier, explaining that the toys deserved to be with children who will appreciate them.

It has been two days since my meltdown. They still have nothing to play with. Just a few books and eachother. They have been begging for their toys back (which means I think my evil plan is working). If they can get along, then they can start earning them back tomorrow.

I know some of you may think I am horrible for doing this to a 4 and 5 year old. But sometimes kids just have too much and they stop appreciating what they are given. I hope this sticks with them and they tell this story to their own kids ("Our mother took all of our Santa away") as incentive for their own children. I blame myself (and my husband) for buying them things more than I should.
If you have other ideas on how to let me children appreciate their possessions, I am open for suggestions!

**UPDATE: On Wednesday, December 29th they were able to get all of their toys back but not before making them beg for 3 days ;)

Boys are dumb

I know. It is not a very nice thing to say. But lets face it, boys ARE dumb. I have raised 3 boys and also have several brothers. I have also raised a daughter and have 2 sisters. From my experience, boys are dumb.
Let me explain: Recently my girlfriend and I had a playdate at the park. As we sat watching our boys run around playing. She was very upset at how her oldest son (almost 4) was making horrible decisions and seemed content to totally embarrass his parents at any given chance. My advice to her was "If you can wrap your head around the idea that boys are dumb, then you will begin forgiving your son of the stupid things that he does. He is not broken, he doesn't necessarily need medication, he is not "slow"- he is a boy. Plain and simple"
She wasn't convinced of my theory so I started rattling off the dumb things that my boys have done:
1. My oldest once ran out of toilet paper so he used the card board TP roll to wipe his butt.
2. My youngest was known to, up until recently, put his hands down the back of his pants after pooping in them. Ultimately spearing poop all over the room.
3. My little brother thought it would be a good idea to steal his mother's Lexus at 15 years old and go for a joy ride through a cemetary getting the car stuck ON a head stone causing thousands of dollars in damages.
4. My little brother once snuck into my liquor cabinet on Christmas eve and polished off a bottle of rum out of boredom. I later found him passed out on top of my Christmas tree and my sofa was soaking wet from pee. (that was a bad day!)
5. My son once thought he would save milk by pouring his used cereal milk back into the jug (We did tell him not to waste his milk) We discovered this when my husband poured a glass of milk and found Apple Jack chunks in the glass.
6. I have had to remove the toilet from the bathroom on more than one occasion because of forgein objects being flushed down the toilet. (see videos below)
7. All three of my sons would go weeks and weeks without bathing or brushing their teeth if I would let them. One of these sons is 13 and knows better!
8. My 4 year old will stand in the corner and be really still and quiet for hours. When I discover him (every time!), he is on the verge of pooping his pants. I cannot explain this. I just always seem to catch him and he (almost) always makes it to the bathroom. JUST GO!!!!

I could go on and on. These boys are an endless source of funny stories to tell at parties. They know I love them dearly. My mother once gave me the same advice that I gave my brother on the playground that day. She raised 2 boys and when I was at my witts end one day with my boys, she explained this "Boys are dumb" theory to me and it suddenly all made sense.
Even though boys are dumb, they eventually do grow up to be wonderful contributions to society, doctors, lawyers, scientists, leaders, etc.
Gotta love these boys of mine!
Please feel free to share your "Boys are dumb" stories! I will publish them on my blog for other moms of boys to enjoy! :)

Bad Haircuts

It is a well known fact that I am cheap. My husband is also cheap. Our local Sport Clips closed and we were looking for an alternative.  So a few months ago we decided to save a few bucks and get some hair clippers for our boys. How hard can it be? Of course, I buy the cheapest ones at Walmart.
We set up our "salon" in the kitchen. I started with Gerrit's hair. Buzzing it here and there but not too short and not too long. It was "ok". He was squirming and crying towards the end and I had to rush him upstairs to the shower, leaving my husband in charge of the other 2 boys.
Next up was Thijs. While I am upstairs with Gerrit, my husband decides he doesn't need the handy color coded "guards" and that he could cut Thijs' hair without it. Thijs is very wiggly and antsy. About half way through the cut he yanks his head to look at his other brother, Andy (Eric's apprentice). Needless to say a GIANT chunk of hair came with it.
By this time I am finishing up upstairs and as I am coming down the stairs I hear major laughing and commotion in the kitchen. My husband and oldest son are both in tears. I knew something awful was going on. Once I realized that he had a  major bald spot taken out of the side of his head I started in on my smart-a$$ husband "What the hell were you thinking?!?!?! This is NOT funny! Picture day is in 2 days and he looks like a goofball!!" As I am yelling at my husband, Gerrit picks up the scissors behind my back and whacks off a huge chunk of hair on the top of Thijs' head.
What can you do at this point? So after my rant I take Thijs upstairs and try in vain to fix these spots. He looks like a dog with the mange at this point.
I give up and now every time I see his school picture I am reminded of this episode. I have since vowed to take them to a real barber shop now. I think it is worth the few extra bucks.

Sweet Butt

A reader posted:

So the other day, I left my 6 year old, Aidan, in the car listening to music while I ran groceries inside the house. He was listening to his favorite Zac Brown Band song called "Let it Go." Now there's a line in that song that goes like this..."But you only get one chance in life to leave your mark upon it. When a pony he comes ridin' by, you better sit your sweet ass on it." (For the record, we all sing "butt" really loudly in the car.) 
On to the funny....I get back in the car and Aidan says...
"Hey Mom, you know the part where they say 'you better sit your sweet ass on it?' Well, I said butt." 

I love my boys!! 

"Nice Ascot"

Thijs and Gerrit love whispering in my ear from time to time "Nice Ascot". If you are familiar with Toy Story 3, when Barbie meets Ken for the first time she says to him, "Nice Ascot!" (Click here for the scene, forward to :50sec)
The boys think this is hilarious and of course so do my husband and I. Recently we were flying on KLM from Amsterdam to the US and of course the flight attendants were sporting silky blue ascots. I had to point this out to my guys.

As we are exiting the plane both boys tell each flight attendant "Nice Ascot" as they walk by. Of course Eric and I are cracking up because these dutch speaking ladies have no idea what they are saying. My husband had to translate "My sons like your scarf". I am sure they thought how strange but we thought is was absolutely hilarious!

Furniture selections for parents with boys

About 4 years ago my husband and I ventured out to purchase new living room furniture. My old set had already suffered through 2 other kids and it was time for an upgrade. Luckily we choose black leather.
I love leather furniture, car seats, purses, shoes, etc. Black, preferably. Luxury? No. Because I can easily wipe of puke, pee, poop, food, drink, drool, milk, etc etc etc with just a baby wipe.
The reason I decided to write this today is because my almost 4 year old, Thijs, just LOVES writing his name now. T-H-I-J-S on anything and everything. His "S" is more of a squiggly line that resembles a slinky but the rest is mostly legible. So as he was sitting quietly on the sofa "watching TV" I discovered his name clearly written in large font several times in ink all over the top and bottom of the sofa. Thank you Huggies for creating multiple uses for baby wipes.
Do I condition the leather every 3-4 months to keep it in brand new condition? nah. Waste of time. These boys will ruin anything and everything especially if you pretend to really like that particular piece of furniture.
We even found his name scrolled across the back of his grandmothers favorite chair while visiting recently. It was velour and was not washable. We also didn't mention it because her vision just isn't what it used to be.

So if you are in the market for a new living room stlye, don't bother with cotton, chenille, wicker or vinyl. Stick with 100% leather and you will be much happier and you will thank me later!

The Christmas Tree "Incident"

Finally! The boys are old enough to know not to mess with the Christmas tree. Or so I thought... Today, as the whole family sat together (which is rare) in the family room, Thijs starts checking out the tree of lights in the corner. I pay no attention (my specialty) to him as surely he can't and won't hurt anything. Right? yeah, uh huh...
Moments later, my beautiful 7 foot tall pine tree, adorned with ornaments and lights from around the world and construction paper keepsakes from the past 11 years of schooling and imported all the way from North Carolina, came crashing down right before my eyes!
The dog is barking, Gerrit is crying, I am paralyzed, Emily is laughing, and then as the dust settles and the broken ornaments are deeply implanted into my carpet, Thijs suddenly screams "THAT WAS SO AWESOME!!!!"
Thanks, son, you never cease to amaze me with your talents!