***DISCLAIMER: If you have a weak stomach please turn away and do not continue reading :)
Last night it was time for my boys to bathe and start getting ready for bed. I was in the middle of reading something and decided to stick them in the shower together to play while I sat on the bed reading, 10 feet away. It was only for a few minutes.
I hear them laughing and talking but wasn't really paying attention. The laughing started to get more and more robust and there was a lot of banging going on in the shower. In the past when they laugh like this it is never a good sign. They were have WAY too much fun for the shower. I decided to investigate.
I peek my head into the shower and almost fell down in shock!
I screamed, then yelled for my 2 older kids to come witness and grabbed my phone to video tape the maddness.
What were they doing, you ask?
The 5 year old had decided to poop in the shower while the 4 year old was throwing it up against the wall. Yes, they were flinging poop. All over the shower walls, floor, my shampoo bottles. I was glad to not find the feces on the ceiling. I could not believe my eyes! That is when I realized I had given birth to a couple of monkeys!
What the H-E-L-L am I going to do with these boys!
I made both of them clean it up as best as they could and then finished the cleaning job myself all while gagging. I have changed hundreds-thousands of poopy diapers in my time but this really struck the gag reflex.
Note to self: Laughter = Trouble.
I didn't post the video because I am pretty sure it shows too much skin! :) I actually did you a favor!
I know. It is not a very nice thing to say. But lets face it, boys ARE dumb. I have raised 3 boys and also have several brothers. I have also raised a daughter and have 2 sisters. From my experience, boys are dumb.
Let me explain: Recently my girlfriend and I had a playdate at the park. As we sat watching our boys run around playing. She was very upset at how her oldest son (almost 4) was making horrible decisions and seemed content to totally embarrass his parents at any given chance. My advice to her was "If you can wrap your head around the idea that boys are dumb, then you will begin forgiving your son of the stupid things that he does. He is not broken, he doesn't necessarily need medication, he is not "slow"- he is a boy. Plain and simple"
She wasn't convinced of my theory so I started rattling off the dumb things that my boys have done:
1. My oldest once ran out of toilet paper so he used the card board TP roll to wipe his butt.
2. My youngest was known to, up until recently, put his hands down the back of his pants after pooping in them. Ultimately spearing poop all over the room.
3. My little brother thought it would be a good idea to steal his mother's Lexus at 15 years old and go for a joy ride through a cemetary getting the car stuck ON a head stone causing thousands of dollars in damages.
4. My little brother once snuck into my liquor cabinet on Christmas eve and polished off a bottle of rum out of boredom. I later found him passed out on top of my Christmas tree and my sofa was soaking wet from pee. (that was a bad day!)
5. My son once thought he would save milk by pouring his used cereal milk back into the jug (We did tell him not to waste his milk) We discovered this when my husband poured a glass of milk and found Apple Jack chunks in the glass.
6. I have had to remove the toilet from the bathroom on more than one occasion because of forgein objects being flushed down the toilet. (see videos below)
7. All three of my sons would go weeks and weeks without bathing or brushing their teeth if I would let them. One of these sons is 13 and knows better!
8. My 4 year old will stand in the corner and be really still and quiet for hours. When I discover him (every time!), he is on the verge of pooping his pants. I cannot explain this. I just always seem to catch him and he (almost) always makes it to the bathroom. JUST GO!!!!
I could go on and on. These boys are an endless source of funny stories to tell at parties. They know I love them dearly. My mother once gave me the same advice that I gave my brother on the playground that day. She raised 2 boys and when I was at my witts end one day with my boys, she explained this "Boys are dumb" theory to me and it suddenly all made sense.
Even though boys are dumb, they eventually do grow up to be wonderful contributions to society, doctors, lawyers, scientists, leaders, etc.
Gotta love these boys of mine!
Please feel free to share your "Boys are dumb" stories! I will publish them on my blog for other moms of boys to enjoy! :)
