Living with monkeys

***DISCLAIMER: If you have a weak stomach please turn away and do not continue reading :)


Last night it was time for my boys to bathe and start getting ready for bed. I was in the middle of reading something and decided to stick them in the shower together to play while I sat on the bed reading, 10 feet away. It was only for a few minutes.
I hear them laughing and talking but wasn't really paying attention. The laughing started to get more and more robust and there was a lot of banging going on in the shower. In the past when they laugh like this it is never a good sign. They were have WAY too much fun for the shower. I decided to investigate.
I peek my head into the shower and almost fell down in shock!
I screamed, then yelled for my 2 older kids to come witness and grabbed my phone to video tape the maddness.
What were they doing, you ask?
The 5 year old had decided to poop in the shower while the 4 year old was throwing it up against the wall. Yes, they were flinging poop. All over the shower walls, floor, my shampoo bottles. I was glad to not find the feces on the ceiling.
I could not believe my eyes! That is when I realized I had given birth to a couple of monkeys!
What the H-E-L-L am I going to do with these boys!
I made both of them clean it up as best as they could and then finished the cleaning job myself all while gagging. I have changed hundreds-thousands of poopy diapers in my time but this really struck the gag reflex.
Note to self: Laughter = Trouble.

I didn't post the video because I am pretty sure it shows too much skin! :) I actually did you a favor!

Five finger discount

Tonight my 5 year old son, Gerrit, learned a very valuable lesson. A lesson about stealing.
We went to Staples after dinner tonight to pick up some office supplies. As usual, the boys had a case of The Gimmes. "Mommy, can I have this?" "Papa, can you buy me that?" followed by a quick "No" every time.
After a stop at the grocery store and more Gimmes, we headed home to unload our purchases.
Standing in the kitchen, a little toy magnet rolls out of Gerrit's waistband. I quickly remember specifically saying no with the reason that our fridge doesn't hold magnets (stainless steel) and also remembering the time they put a magnet on my laptop erasing my hard drive. Not that I even needed a reason because no means NO!
So how do you teach a kindergartener this valuable lesson? I remember when my big brother was caught stealing a pack of gum at about the same age. My mother marched him into the store and made him return the gum promptly. He then more than likely got his rear end beat! Which was the typical punishment back then. My brother never stole again!
But I really needed to impress on him the importance of his actions. Obviously, we were not able to drive back to the store.
I had to think fast!
I decided to make him write "I will not steal" 20 times. Making sure everything was legible and spelled correctly or he had to redo the whole sentence.
With tears streaming down his face he eventually finished his punishment before going straight to bed with no dessert. So before he heas upstairs, I ask him "Gerrit, now what have you learned from this?" Now his tears are really flowing and it is turning into his ugly cry. He could barely talk from the crying. What was his answer?

"That you don't love me anymore!"

God help me!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Savannah

Sick of Sick Days

9 days ago, Gerrit, my 5 year old came down with the flu! The same symptoms as most with headache, fever, body aches and just feeling lousy. Finally Wednesday he went the entire day without fever so Thursday I load him up and send him off to school. That same day Thijs started with the fever and aches. After 2 hours the school called and said Gerrit was crying and wanted to come home because he felt so terrible. Great! Now I feel terrible for making him go to school.
Luckily his doctors excuse (thanks Paris!) was good for the entire week so I kept him home Friday. Now here I was with 2 boys with the flu, at home under my feet and totally irritating the hell out of me! Nurse Mommy was wearing thin!
With the weekend brought more fever and now a nasty cough. We took Gerrit to the ER on Sunday to rule out pnuemonia and found out he had an ear infection. They sent us home with breathing treatments, antibiotics, and steroids.
Monday morning I had had ENOUGH sick! Both boys are whiney and weepy and I wasn't having any of it! I ignored my gut and sent them to school. At this point I couldn't tell if they were faking it or not. I figured the truth would come out at school.
Both of them made it the entire day but eventually came home to tears and more aches! Now they are both passed out.
I feel awful for sending them to school but I am just sick of them being sick!

Heebeegeebee's Part 2

There is not a whole lot that surprises me nowadays raising a house full of kids. We have seen our fair share of ailments over the last 17 years. Head lice (Haircut Surprise), pinworms, ringworm, hand foot & mouth disease, scabies, chiggars, you name it. I was always the one applying ointment, administering meds, picking through hair.  But today the tables were turned.
This morning as I prepared for my day, I was met with a surprise of my own. After fixing my hair, applying my makeup, selecting jewelry, I glanced down at my hair brush. What did I see? Yep, you guessed right again. A tiny little bug surrying around in my brush!
I screamed at the top of my lungs "ERIC!!!! GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!!!!!!!!!" I think he thought something horrible had happened. "LOOK! LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND IN MY BRUSH!!!"
He was as horrified as I was.
We rushed outside to get better light. He starts picking through my hair and sure enough he finds a couple of bugs and several eggs! Then I remember that last night as I was trying to sleep the base of my scalp was itching. I dismissed it thinking it was the dry weather.
EWWWW!!
I spent most of my day in the bathroom with my daughter. She and I carefully going through eachothers hair like a couple of gorillas at the zoo. We treated her hair just in case.
Even though all of my household pillows and linens are still in quarentine, the new pillows I bought for our special occassion last week are now in quarentine also. Still haven't decided what to do with my mattress. If I had my way it would be burned but I don't think my husband will let me do that.
Another day in the life of raising boys... Cheers!

Haircut Surprise and the Heebeegeebees

My 12 year old son, Andy, wanted me to take him for a haircut today. Since I wasn't feeling up to butchering yet another son's haircut I agreed to take him. I took him to a salon on the island that is run primarily by non-english speaking women. Whatever. We aren't going for a Justin Beiber cut or anything.

So Andy tells her he wants a regular buzz cut with it a little longer on the top. She grabs her clippers and starts plowing through his VERY thick locks. After about half a dozen passes she suddenly stops and yells "Ma'am! Ma'am! Look!!" pointing at my son's head. What in the hell could it be??
Yep. You guessed it ....Lice.

Immediately the lady, in complete disbelief, starts backing up. She drops the clippers while having this completely shocked look on her face. Kind of like they do in the movies when someone sees a dead person. I was motionless. Then I asked her "Well? What do we do??" "I don't know," she says. "What do you mean "You don't know"? Shave his head!" "No no no!" she exclaims. So I thank her and haul ass out of the salon!
I look at my poor child with his head half shaved and begin laughing uncontrollably! Here he is completely stunned with this jacked up head and completely infested with lice and all I can do is laugh. I grabbed a hat from the back seat and ordered him to put it on so he could hold on to a little bit of dignity. Plus, I didn't want those bastards jumping off on me in the car on the way home. As I drive home I remember snuggling with him in my bed last night. ew. His friends that had spent the night lately. Great. The last brush he used. His sister's.
We arrived home and I sat him in the middle of the back yard on a stool. Grabbed my extention cord and clippers and started shaving.
O...M...G... How in the world could this child NOT have known that there was a colony of bugs living in his hair? Once I started shaving it looked like I had kicked over a mound of ants! Really! It did! Once I finished, I made my husband get the leaf blower and blow the piles of infested hair into the neighbor's yard ;)

I have spent the rest of my day sanitizing the house and washing washing washing and washing more loads of laundry. Bagging pillows, trashing brushes, and $100 later at Walmart on new pillows and hair brushes, I am alomost done.



This is exactly how I wanted to spend my New Years Eve. Now where's my drink...

Army Men

Gerrit, my 5.5 year old, is obsessed lately with playing Army and playing with little Army guys. Funny thing is my brother played with them too so I was not hesitant to buy these for him today. What little boy didn't play with Army men?

Tonight I was in search for a cool Army movie with not so foul language (This is almost impossible!) We decided on Born on the 4th of July. It has been a few years since I have seen this movie so I wasn't sure what we were getting into.
About 45 minutes into the movie, if you remember, Ronnie (Tom Cruise) goes to Vietnam. The bad language starting picking up. Then suddenly there was a major shoot-out between his platoon and the bad guys (that what we call them) Ronnie gets shot and finds himself in critical condition in the military hospital. Lots of blood, suffering death. Chaos.
That is when Eric and I decided this was just WAY too much for them (I should have known better with it being directed by Oliver Stone). We turned the movie off.
Eric then asked Gerrit "So what do you think of the military now?" Gerrit responds "I don't like it anymore. I think I will grow up to fix iPhones like you, Papa. I only like fake Army men now."

We both just laughed and gave him a GIANT hug and kiss for being such an awesome kid. :)

Boy Stories Wanted!

If you are a parent of a boy, you know that you could fill a library with stories about his shenanigans.
While I think that my boys are entertainment enough, I know that your stories are just as good!
Please share your Boys Gone Wild stories for others to enjoy and learn from. Maybe we can all band together and make raising these guys a little easier to swallow!
Just click on the SHARE YOUR STORIES tab above to share. I will post your stories immediately! Thanks
Allison